What is a Female Led Relationship (FLR), and why would I want one?

What is a Female Led Relationship (FLR), and why would I want one?

What is a female-led relationship? 

A female-led relationship is simply one that the Female is the dominant partner. This looks different for every couple. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to the FLR. This is not a pair of pantyhose (even those are not one size fits all, no matter what the package says). If you want to approach your partner with an FLR you must communicate openly so that both partner’s voices are heard. Trust is key here and only through honest communication can you find success in this lifestyle. 

Who wants a female-led relationship?

Modern couples are more open to non-traditional gender roles than ever before. Contrary to what you may think, most female-led relationships are initiated by the man. This often starts sexually, with his desire to be dominated in bed. This can eventually lead to being female-led in every aspect of the couple’s relationship.

Many alpha men of power want to give up control in the bedroom and seek out powerful women to dominate them sexually. Dominatrixes report a thriving business of subjugating powerful men who pay for this privilege. 


All FLRs are not initiated by the male partner, however. Sometimes a woman wants to take the traditionally male role from the start. This powerful woman will take control from the start. She will look for a beta male that will allow her to direct all areas of their partnership. She will be the first to ask him out, to initiate the sexual relationship, and to propose should she so choose. This woman knows what she wants and grabs this lifestyle by the balls, so to speak. 

What is the most important thing to know about a female-led relationship?

Excellent communication skills are essential for a couple to be successful in a female-led relationship.  You must define your goals for this lifestyle. Do you want this to begin and end in the bedroom or is this a complete lifestyle? You must effectively communicate both your needs and desires for the relationship. Many women want to be the decision-maker and many men are relieved to take a submissive role. Be upfront with your expectations. 

Keep in mind that no female-led relationship will be the same. You are building a relationship that fits you and your partner, not checking off boxes. You make the rules. Well, at least one of you does.

What levels of female-led relationships are there?

Often they start with a lower level of control. The couple starts with a bit of role-reversal play in the bedroom. In the most extreme cases, the man is submissive sexually, financially, and socially. All decisions for the couple as a whole and for the man individually are made one hundred percent by the woman. Many men fear that every FLR is this extreme. This keeps them from exploring a common fantasy of giving up some control in their lives. 

The majority of female-led relationships evolve and find a balance somewhere in the middle. Decisions are discussed and role responsibilities are agreed upon. Most FLRs progress to higher levels of dominance over time. This works for most women as they can be uncomfortable with asserting their dominance at first. This is a muscle that grows with exercise, ladies. Trust me. We need to be the change we want to see in the world. 

How do I set the boundaries?

I cannot stress enough that communication is key. You must agree on the ground rules before you start a female-led relationship. There is no such thing as a forced FLR. You both have to be on board and at the same comfort level. The rules can evolve, but must always be discussed and agreed upon by both parties. Ongoing communication is the foundation for this type of relationship. A couple must discuss what they will and will not allow in the relationship before they begin an FLR. Make your expectations clear. TIP: Write your rules out.  Keep this list of rules to refer back to at any time.  This will prevent many misunderstandings.

Are toys and BDSM  necessary?

Obviously, toys and BDSM don’t have to be part of the FLR lifestyle, but they often are. Many men have fantasies of being tied or locked up and at the bidding of their woman. Kinks are often explored in a traditional relationship, but the FLR takes this to a new level. The woman’s sexual needs take priority. Bondage gear and chastity cages can be a large part of this lifestyle. At higher levels of the FLR, the woman takes complete charge. She controls all of their sexual experiences. This even can include requiring complete chastity from the man. She decides whether he can masturbate or even orgasm at all. A cock cage is a necessity for this.  We recommend the World Cage, the best chastity cage, for security and long-term comfort. For more information on why you should try male chastity, check out our blog post, "Why male chastity? Everything you wanted to know about cock cages but were too afraid to ask." The woman in an extreme level of FLR will often decide how her partner spends his time and will make all financial decisions for the couple. 

What are the benefits of a female-led relationship?

    1. Many men find they are unable to be vulnerable in traditional gender roles. The female-led relationship allows men to be open about their feelings and emotions.
    2. Women find it empowering to be the primary decision-maker in their lives. “I don’t have control at my office, but I love being in control at home.”  
    3. Female-led relationships allow the couple to redefine sexual roles in a way that is satisfying to both partners. 
    4. An FLR allows a couple to reject society’s norms that may not fit their personality. A strong woman can be the dominant partner and a shy man can be comfortable in his submission.
    5. By redefining gender roles the couple can take on the tasks they prefer to do.  Men can take on traditionally female roles they may enjoy like cooking or cleaning while the woman is freed to concentrate on her career. 
    6. Communication is improved because the couple has discussed and defined their relationship roles

What are the challenges to a female-led relationship?

  1. Sometimes the role reversals can make the man feel insecure. Reevaluating the relationship rules can resolve any issues and make the relationship stronger. Write these rules down to avoid misunderstandings!
  2. Society often is not accepting of those not living its norms. Many participants in FLR find it challenging.
  3. Some women find it difficult to be in control of every decision for the couple. It can be tiring for some. Establishing and periodically evaluating boundaries is the key to success. 

In conclusion

The female-led relationship can be rewarding for both partners. Communication and boundaries will allow your FLR to flourish. You get to decide how gender roles are defined in your relationship. Forget about official relationship rules and move at your own pace. With open dialogue, you can build a strong foundation and make a female-led relationship a rewarding partnership.

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XoXo Nikki
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